Friday, 9 April 2010

ASAB (all sheep are bastards)

You may remember from a variety of hymns/stained glass windows/shit christian cartoons on channel 4 on a sunday morning that Jesus was referred to sometimes as "The Lamb of God." Well this is argued by some Theological Academics to be because Jesus was literally a sheep. If you read the bible you will notice that at no point does it specifically say "Jesus was not a sheep." By this logic the second coming could have already happened and we would never know, you could be wearing a wool based product right now made from the holy bastard's hair (and he was a bastard as God and Mary were not married, fucking hypocrites). Anyhow, as you may know we make up the legion of the Dark Lord Beelzebub and must stop all light from the saviour Jesus Christ reaching the masses. With this in mind we ran to the nearest field of woolly pricks and baptised them for Satan. Y'know, just in case one of them was Jesus. You can never be too careful.

Unsurprisingly, the sheep did not exactly welcome our advances. Whether this is because The Parable teller himself was amongst them or just because their farmer is not a Satanist and as such they were unaccustomed to men with dark robes and crosses approaching them, we will never know. What we do know is that this is not the last they, and by they i mean their species as a whole, will see of us.

Next week - Baptising a particularly unintelligent dog.

1 comment:

  1. Baptising a particularly unintelligent dog gives me a boner. please get it an appropriate collar.