Tuesday, 6 July 2010

ASASB (all sheep are still bastards)

As you may remember from previous posts we have a strong suspicion that Jesus has in fact returned to earth disguised as a sheep. We have many reasons for this suspicion, all of them tenuous, all of them mildly retarded. (as retarded as claiming that you can hear his voice in your head!? lolololo atheist joke lolo) However that hasn't stop us from donning our Baptising robes and heading out into the farmland of Kent to track him down and baptise the mother lovin' shit out of him.

Are any of these the Messiah? We will literally never know.

A noted and much lamented flaw in our plan to oust Christ from his woollen brethren is that we don't have any instruments to really prove whether or not any sheep is a sheep or Jesus incarnate. We are working on hunches here. Usually when people 'find Jesus' it changes them forever. Usually they become a bit gayer, have less sex before marriage, generally do less cool stuff like drugs and go to church more often. We were therefore working on the assumption that if any of us suddenly became boring and moral after coming in close contact with a sheep then it was probably JC in diguise.

These sheep clearly had no effect on Tar'lor. They are not Jesus.

One of the many questions you are probably asking yourself is; "Why are you searching Kent, England? Doesn't Australia have a far larger sheep population? Or even Wales. Why not search there?"

Well what you fail to observe is that we have to start somewhere and we've got no proof he isn't in Kent. If we started our search in Australia and he turned out to be in Kent - right on our doorstep - all along, how stupid would we feel? Really stupid.

Keep your suggestions to yourself.
Come back to us when you're a world famous Satanic Baptist and maybe we'll listen to you.

Long story short we didn't find him.
But there's so many more fields of sheep to search.
And he's out there somewhere...

Unless he's not a sheep and we're incredibly deluded.
But how silly are you going to feel if we're right.

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