Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Reading Our Souls

Somebody went to Reading Festival of Music and Beer and stuck up loads of stickers promoting our wealth of genius. It wasn't us.
However we got our top Satanic Scientists on the job of translation (that
is us).
Here is what they came up with;

"Shit yourself. Then boast about it"
Our boffins down at the lab have thought long and hard about the underlying message of this statement and it's Satanic connotations. At its most basic level boasting about shitting one's self is boasting about an endeavour that is not difficult, but rather frowned upon by a conservative society. Thus what this is saying is 'break free of thine sociological chains and make it clear for all to see'.
An ethos we can all stand behind.
"Smoking is Cool"
In these heady days of interwebs and ipod mobile phone pads doing dangerous activities that might kill you is apparently 'cool'. Or so we are lead to believe by this recent trend in 'skateboarding'. Anyhow, if risking immediate death is cool then why isn't killing yourself slowly over a period of time?
Or whatever.
That's what the dude who stuck this up probably thought.
We don't know.
We're not him.
or her.
"Deliberately get some STIs. Spread 'em"
Sharing is one of the humanity's warmest expressions of unity as a species. As such we are fully against the concept. Whoever this dark mysterious wizard putting up stickers is, he has grasped this concept and tried to advertise the only time when sharing results in pain, embarrassment and an old indian woman sticking a cotton bud down things you do not want an old indian woman sticking cotton buds down.

"Learn Norweigan. (sic) It's Fucking Metal."
What we learn from this message is that our mystery sticker Wizard knows his facts.
But cannot spell the word Norwegian.

"The Queen is Fit"
Incorrect, StickerWizard. She used to be fit. Obviously if you shagged her now you'd still be in store for a bumper pack of lad points. But she's going to be a paper bag job at best, at worst an entire body bag job. I don't know how that'd work though. Cut a hole in the body bag? Not sure. A challenge to say the least, I suppose some of the lad points would be awarded for overcoming that problem.
We're not sure what "opdead!" is.
we suspect the 'op' stands for 'Old Person'
As they are the people who are most regularly dead.

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