Friday, 14 January 2011

New Year. New Cross.

In celebration of the coming of 2011/because our old cross had gotten a woodworm infestation, we created a new cross.
Cut from the most powerful trees we could find, with axes and saws cursed by a medley of different evil witches and wizards and bolted together with nails said to be possessed by the ghosts of those slain in the Hillsborough disaster of 1989 it outshone our previous cross before we had even put the finishing touches on it.
Our previous cross was made with normal wood, saws and nails on a patio.


To seal in the evil of our malevolent creation we bought "Davidson's X-tra Black Spray Paint - for when black just isn't black enough". You have to order it online here and it takes 3 weeks to get delivered because it has to come all the way from Malta where they make it with secret Maltese ingredients that only the Maltese know about. Look out for a post in the near future when we invade Malta, kidnap their elders and torture them for information on how they create this Purest of Blacks. Davidson isn't a very Maltese name.

We painted it next to a normal black door just so you could soak in just how blacker than black it is.

Then held it up against your bog standard British road so that the colour difference could be appreciated. Look and appreciate.

In a strange turn of events the local council got wind of what we were up to and decided to try and get in our good books by naming a variety of local amenities after our new cross. They hadn't even asked us what we were naming our new cross. They just (stupidly and unimaginatively) assumed that it would be called 'New Cross'. Not even nearly an evil enough name. After much deliberation we decided to call him 'Talavi Borgorth the Third'.
So another botched attempt by the council to appease Satan, however we thought we may as well at least record their renaming misadventures. It must've cost them a fair bit.

They named this local station after our new cross. We can only imagine that it has lead to a travel nightmare for everybody. The station used to be called 'London Bridge' which was a far more sensible name, considering it was next to London Bridge. Naming it after something that took two half drunk twenty somethings about 10 minutes to do on a Wednesday afternoon was a really stupid move. We have to believe that somebody lost their job for it.

The council also forced some local businesses to change their names, this shop wasn't even a pharmacy, it used to be a Modelzone. Yet more confusion conflicted on the poor people of London by a council hell bent on being mental.

But yeah we've got a new cross and its awesome.

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