Monday, 6 June 2011

George W. Bush & The Satanic Pact of Awesomeness

George W. Bush; Artist, maverick, poet and all round role model to the budding satanist.
Born into abject poverty in the midst of the Great Depression young George and his family would try to survive by finding anything they could to eat in the tumbledown farmsteads of southern Texas. One day a travelling preacher came passing through the area the Bush brigade were camped and told them fabulous stories of the power of Jesus and the temptations of Satan. Little George ignored the Jesus stuff and immediately focussed on what Lucifer could do for him instead. He gave the dark one a call by sacrificing a local goat. He requested riches and power for his family and that is what he got. This is because Satan bloody delivers. Since then he has been a friend to the fledgling Satanist movement throughout his amoral political career. Arguably making us the powerful force for change we are today. He keeps his precious Satan-given powers by praising Satan via hand signals whenever a camera is turned on him or his family.

His wife is on board too.

So is his slamming daughter.

He even snuck in a cheeky horn throw when he got to meet the queen. What a trooper.

Since his meteoric rise to fame and his universal popularity that has been a consequence of it, other figures in the public eye have followed his lead and also allied themselves to the Lord of the Underworld.

The pope joining in was the paradox of the decade but one that made everybody involved extremely happy, especially the pope. Look how stoked he is.

Bush's little m8 Dick Cheney tried to join in, but he lacked the balls to do it properly so only praised Satan from inside limousines. As such he hasn't enjoyed the same level of popularity. at all. Nobody likes him.

The King of France has also gotten in on the act. How successful he has been is impossible to tell because all the news we're getting from france is in french.

Bono attempted to make the pact to increase his popularity. He did everything right and contacted Satan in the right manner. However even Satan's powers have a limit. Nobody can make this wankcarpet liked.
Go home Bono.

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